Parenting in a neurodivergent family is...... like riding a bike with a flat tyre...

In this short series, parents in neurodivergent families tell us what it's really like. In this episode Laura explains "parenting in a neurodivergent family is like riding a bike with a flat tyre, with a blindfold on, one hand tied behind your back… oh and I just realised the other wheel fell off". 

If this episode rings true leave a message in the comments to let other parents know they aren't alone. 

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Chapters

• 1:00 Listener Mini‑Series Explained
• 1:55 Laura’s Metaphor Takes Center Stage
• 3:45 Decoding The Metaphor’s Layers
• 5:19 It’s Not The Kids, It’s Systems
• 6:45 Finding Your Way To Contribute
• 8:49 Permission To Do Less
• 9:17 Share Your Voice And Connect
• 10:07 Next Week’s Guest: Jordan From Sensory Class

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:31

Hi, and welcome back to the Untypical Parent Podcast. We are having a little mini-series this season, and part of that mini-series is hearing from you as the listeners because I'd really love to have you on more and hear your voices more. Now I know that when we are possibly burnt out as parents and carers, if life is in chaos and in crisis, the last thing we want is to be asked questions. So this also gives you the permission that you don't have to have your voice on the podcast. But equally, if you're in a position where you would quite like to have your voice on the podcast, and what I mean by that is by sending in a comment or anything like that, doesn't mean that you come on and have to be on the podcast and speak on the podcast, but it's how I can incorporate your voices into the podcast. And what I'm doing for this little series is there were a number of parents that responded to a comment on Facebook, and I wrote on that posting parenting in neurodivergent family is, and I left the bit a bit blank. And what I've done is I asked each of the people that responded on that post if they would be happy for me to use their comments on the podcast, and they have all mostly yeah, all agreed. So I'm doing this and sharing this with their consent, and what I'm gonna do is small little ones over the next probably five to six episodes in between the guest episodes, with these ones from you. So today we're gonna kick off with one from Laura, and Laura responded to my post. So parenting in a neurodivergent family is like riding a bike with a flat tire with a blindfold on, one hand tied behind your back. Oh, and I just realized the other wheel fell off. This one really resonated for me. One, I like the humour in it, so it makes me laugh and it brings a smile to my face, but also in there is a seriousness, and I think it really brings into light what we are juggling as parents in additional needs, SEN and um neurodivergent families. And it often feels like for me when we're going through the processes and the bits and pieces that we have to, that kind of everything is fighting against you. And I think Laura's comment just sums this up perfectly. That kind of thought of being on your bike with a flat tie, so you're kind of peddling against things that are slowing you down with a blindfold on. For me, is a bit like I think getting to grips with all the systems that actually you kind of are finding it out as you go along, you're feeling your way because it's not really, really obvious what it is that we're meant to be doing, how we're meant to be doing it, it happens in one place and different in another. And then Laura talks about having one hand tied behind your back, so you're feeling like you've kind of got less tools to do things with, um, and all that you need additional tools that you don't have access to, and then when she rounds it off with, oh, and I just realized the other wheel fell off, that you're actually trying to navigate this with something or with something that doesn't actually work, it's actually broken. And sometimes I suppose that can feel like just for me, that at times it can make me feel broken. And what I want to be really clear about is, and I'm I'm not going to put words into Laura's mouth, but for me, what it feels like for me is that it this isn't about my kids. This isn't about me moaning about my kids and saying this is what my kids do to me, and they give me such a hard time, and my life would be you know different and better without them. That is definitely definitely not what I'm saying. I think when I ask the question around parenting in a neurodivergent family, is what I mean by that is all the things that slow us down, that knock off knock us off course, that make things more difficult than they need to be. Our kids are just perfect the way they are. What I feel and the difficulty and the the feeling like you're trying to ride a bike with a flat tire and then realising one of your wheels has fallen off is that often isn't caused by our kids, but actually caused by the systems that we're in, and I won't be telling anybody anything that they don't know when I say that you know the systems that our children are in at the moment are broken.

SPEAKER_00: 5:15

And I hear that statement a lot. I hear the uh you know education is broken, send system is broken.

SPEAKER_01: 5:26

But what's so hard about that is we know that there isn't, I don't think, one parent out there that has got a child with send needs, additional needs, neurodivergent needs that doesn't know that the system is broken. But where we are all stuck is how do we make that change? And I think I'd always say to people is find a way that works for you. So I know there are some people out there, and where would we be without them that have got the fight, the big fight, to take it to them and fight on behalf of all the other families, and I often get caught up in the guilt around that that I feel that I should be doing more, but also I have to recognise what I can do within my system, and what I mean by that is when we are exhausted, burnt out, overwhelmed, that sometimes the thought of having to take something else on is enough to finish us off. And I want to reassure people that there are groups of people to do different things, and we can't all be and do the same things. So we need our group that are loud and vocal and taking it to the people that matter that well, not maybe that matter, the people that matter is our kids, but are taking it to the change makers, those that are the policymakers, are trying to take it to the bigger system. We need those people, but we can't all do that. So then we need the other people that are maybe keeping an eye out for other parents, a bit like I do. I find it very difficult with the confrontation side of things, but what I found I can do is be there for other parents. So I might not be able to do the big fight, but I am there supporting while still going through a lot of those systems myself. It might be that at this moment in time, all you can do is get your family from one day to the next. That is okay too. When you're in a position, and if you're in a position that you want to do more, then do more. But until that point, please don't give yourself a hard time. So if you feel like you're riding that bike, like Laura described, like riding that bike with a flat tire, with a blindfold on, one hide hand tied behind your back, and you've just realized that your other wheel has fallen off, and it feels like the whole world is conspiring against you, you don't have to do anything. So that's it for today. If you have got any comments, or maybe you've got something you want to say about parenting in a neurodivergent family is, or parenting in an SEND family is, or parenting in an additional needs family is. Leave me a comment. You can find me on all the socials, so you can do it on there. You can access the show notes, whereas there's a link direct to the show. You can send me a text message, would you believe? Um, for free, doesn't cost you. So you can send me a text message, uh, or you can find me on places like Insta. Uh, the podcast actually has its own Insta account now. So if you are listening and you were not following us on Insta, get her over there. We are missing you over there. I put just little extra bits out on that one, they often get copied onto my other uh pages, but that's where you're gonna hear about it first. So I will be back in two weeks' time with another one from a parum to have a chat with you about. What I would love is if you've heard that comment today from Laura and actually that's already resonated with you, and you just want to reach out and say hi. So let's pull together as the parents out there, let's show other people that we are all here, we are going through stuff, people are not alone because you aren't. And I hope that it feels that way with the podcast. In a couple of weeks, and next week, we have got a new podcast guest coming on. We've already recorded, so I've got to do the editing, but it is Jordan from Sensory Class. Now, those of you who might know Jordan know her very much for the work that she does as a teacher. But Jordan came on and gave a very raw and very real and very heartfelt podcast episode about being a foster parent. So this might be, and I think this probably this podcast will be an episode from Jordan that you might not know about her. This is a side to Jordan I didn't know about, but she's been really brave and really open about being a foster parent. And this is the first time we've had a foster parent point of view on the show, so do tune in. It's a heartbreaking one, but it's also full of love and a lot of hope. And I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed talking to Jordan. And I'm so grateful for the way that she shared and how she opened up, and has been brave to share her experience with us as the listeners. So I appreciate you, Jordan. See you in a couple of weeks for this one.

SPEAKER_00: 10:53

Guest next week with Jordan. See you later. I'm gonna get you, let you go. Bye.