Finding Each Other in the Hardest Moments of Neurodivergent Parenting

Have you ever felt completely alone while managing your child's meltdown in public? That moment when all eyes seem to be on you, judging your parenting skills, and you just wish someone would silently acknowledge they understand what you're going through?

The Typically Untypical movement was born from exactly this experience. In this deeply personal episode, I share how witnessing a parent's struggle with their distressed child in a doctor's waiting room sparked an idea that's growing into something much bigger than just merchandise. When parents are in crisis mode—surviving day to day with their central nervous systems in protection mode—they often can't access traditional support resources. What can make a difference is that simple nod of understanding from someone who's been there.

Through t-shirts, bags, pens, travel mugs, and pins bearing the "Typically Untypical" slogan, parents can silently signal to each other: I see you, I get it, and you're not alone. These items aren't just products; they're communication tools creating solidarity among parents raising children with additional needs. Sometimes wearing your t-shirt signals to others that you need help, sometimes it shows others they're not alone, and sometimes it's simply a personal reminder that you belong to a community who understands.

This movement isn't just for parents—siblings, extended family members, friends, and anyone who wants to show support can join. Together, we're creating that backup team we all desperately need, because no parent was ever meant to navigate these challenges in isolation. The question now is: how far can this movement spread? Could your participation be the silent nod that makes all the difference to a struggling parent?

Join us in building this web of understanding. Share where you've worn your Typically Untypical items, connect with others who recognise the signal, and help us show parents everywhere that even in their most difficult moments, they are truly not alone.

You can get yours here: 

https://www.something-profound.co.uk/collections/liz-evans-the-untypical-ot-collaboration

Chapters

• 0:05 Welcome to Untypical Parent Podcast
• 1:17 The Typically Untypical Movement Explained
• 5:26 Finding Connection in Difficult Moments
• 10:19 From T-Shirts to Visible Solidarity
• 14:52 Join the Movement and Share
• 21:37 Closing Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to the Untypical Parent Podcast, where doing things differently is more than okay. I'm Liz Evans and I am the Untypical OT and I am your host. I'm here to open up conversations that go beyond the stereotypical child, parent and family. This is your go-to space to find your backup team, the people who truly get it, because we were never meant to do this alone. Each week, through a mix of guest interviews and solo episodes, we'll explore a wide range of topics, because every family is unique and there's no one size fits all when it comes to parenting. But before we dive in, if you're enjoying what I share and want to support the podcast, you can buy me a cuppa. You'll find all the links in the show notes. Are you ready? Come join me. Hi and welcome to the Untypical Parent Talks to Herself the little mini solo episodes that I deliver every other week, just chatting about little things that are around for me at the moment in more kind of shorter, easier to access if you're on the run and busy and haven't got time for the longer ones.

Speaker 1: 1:17

What I'm going to talk about today is the typically untypical movement. So, depending on how you've come across me might be on social media, it might be through the podcast. It might be you've heard about me and well, you stumbled across it, the podcast that I haven't spoken much on the podcast. In fact, I don't think I've spoken at all about the typically untypical movement. In fact, I don't think I've spoken at all about the Typically Untypical movement. And what happened was I decided that, after a couple of things that happened personally to me, and then something that I kind of witnessed more recently, that I had to find a way to get to parents that were out there feeling isolated. So parents and carers in additional needs, families that were feeling isolated, that were feeling alone, that were feeling overwhelmed. And sometimes, when we're in those moments when we're really having a hard time which is when we probably need the support the most that actually it's when it's the most difficult to access it. And yeah, I can put out loads of, you know, webinars for people to join or I can offer one-to-one support, but actually in the moment when things are really tricky, we often can't access much at all.

Speaker 1: 2:41

And I know from my own perspective that's where I was that when things got really hard for me and my family, that we were literally surviving from day to day, and I was trying to think about in those moments? What was it that would have made the difference, what would have made things a little bit easier until I could get to a point where I could come out of that protective part of my brain, which is purely just about survival, and getting to the next bit. When I could get to that thinking part of my brain and I could maybe go and do some of the webinars, maybe I could go and do some learning and talk about things and more reflect and think about how I could put support stuff in. I couldn't do that in the moment when things were really hard. I couldn't do it in the moment and often I think you feel, I often hear and I'm from my own experience as well that when we are parents of additional needs are kids sometimes. Often wouldn't like to say too much there, but often we often have our own additional needs as well as parents.

Speaker 1: 3:42

We're often going through a hell of a lot in that moment trying to juggle schools and kids and work and life and running homes and all that kind of stuff we are. We are tackling and dealing with a lot. So in those moments when we feel judged by other people, when we feel isolated. What can we, what could I do to help those parents? And it took me right back. It took me right back to some of the early days with my son and being out in public and how difficult at times it felt being out in public when we'd have meltdowns, when his behavior wasn't what the typical children might be doing, that would draw attention from lots of other people that I felt judged. I felt judged and in those moments felt so alone and you kind of get. I got through it. I got through it like, what other option have you got? We're parents, we have to, we have to kind of just get on with it, suck it up and move on, um. But actually the impact of that is is huge and it wasn't until just recently.

Speaker 1: 4:59

So I started up work as the untypical OT, um, and you'll know that's what I do. You might not know actually. So I am the untypical OT and I set up a business to support parents and carers in addition to these families. So typically you would think about OTs working pediatrics be working with the kids, and there still is some confusion around what I do, that I am an OT that works with children, but through their parents and all that kind of stuff. But actually what my job is and what I do and makes me the untypical OT is that I work with parents.

Speaker 1: 5:41

I work with parents and their central nervous systems. I work with parents to help them avoid burnout. I work with parents to help them manage and find a way through, because a lot of the time we get a lot of this is what your kids need. So everything and the priorities become about our kids, and that's right. I get that. I'm not saying that we should just dump all our kids' needs and it'll all be about us. I don't know many parents that do that. There might be some, but a lot of the time you'll come across parents that they are bottom of the list when it comes to needs and looking after that person. So often our own needs go right down to the bottom as parents.

Speaker 1: 6:20

So so that's what I'd set this up to do, but I knew that the parents had to be a certain point to be able to access that from me, to be able to get into those webinars and make sense of those webinars, and I've created webinars as part of the parenting pause moments that are low demand. There's no homework, there's no judgment, where it's little things here and there that you might be able to put into place when you feel ready and able. And a lot of the time, what I talked about just a moment ago is that when we're in, that protection part of our brain, when we are literally surviving from day to day, that part of our brain at the front that makes all those lovely decisions and can reflect and plan, it's gone offline. You can't even access it. So how did I get to those parents? How could I support those parents and carers?

Speaker 1: 7:14

And what happened was the story behind this is and there is a story I'll get to. It is I was in a doctor's surgery and you know what it's like in the doctor surgeries it's busy, there's loads of sick people, um, and it's quite quiet, so it's everyone tends to talk in whispers or no one's talking at all. The person you tend to hear quite a lot is the secretaries, um, and embarrassingly for some people poor people coming in and trying to explain to the secretary why they need something, um, with a whole waiting room of people that can hear. Anyway, I've digressed. So in the waiting room really busy and there was a mum in there with their child and their child was obviously quite upset and distressed. They were being very vocal. It was quite noisy. Obviously, I have no idea if there were any diagnoses in there. I suspect there were. It definitely appeared. There were some additional needs there for that child and even, I suppose, to the point it doesn't actually matter.

Speaker 1: 8:21

What was really clear was that child was having a really tricky time and was really finding it hard. They were being very vocal about that and the mum just looked so embarrassed she was either had her head down and was looking away or, if she looked up and caught people's eyes, she was mouthing I'm sorry to people and I just thought I get it, I know what you're going through and I wanted to almost go up and give her a hug but I thought that's probably not a good idea, um, but there was a need in me to make that connection with her. I needed to let her know in that moment she wasn't on her own that I got it. I could see her, um, and I didn't know what to do.

Speaker 1: 9:04

And we know, you know you will know if you've been through a tricky time in the community, that often you'll have people come up to you and offer advice that actually I really don't want to have and often makes it more difficult and somebody else coming into the situation your kids don't know can make it more tricky. It makes it more stressful for you, and so I didn't want to go and make it worse. And then we know a lot of the time that can do that. I needed to do something. I felt like I needed to do something, so I don't know why I did it, but I just nodded at her and she probably thought crazy woman, um, and I probably wouldn't suggest that you go out there and do loads of nodding at people when their kids are melting down somewhere. But in this moment it worked and I nodded at her and she looked back and she smiled and she nodded back.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Now, we never spoke. We never spoke. I got called for my appointment, I went off and by the time I came back she had gone, um, and we never spoke. And whether we crossed paths again, I don't know. Who knows, we might come across each other in a doctor's surgery when we work again, um, but what it did tell me and what it did show me was that in those moments we don't always want people coming up to us, but what a difference it can make to know that there are other people out there that get it.

Speaker 1: 10:23

Because even though people say to you oh, you know they're not judging you when they're staring, they're thinking, oh what? I think they're thinking, thank god, that's not me, um, but two. They're thinking I've been there, I've been there, I've done that. You know, I get it, I see you, but you don't get that. You don't understand that. You can't see that. All you feel is that all eyes are on you and let's face it, parents do come under fire a lot. Their kids misbehave. It's the parents fault. The kids aren't learning in school, the parents fault. The kids do this. The parents fault. And whilst you know we are doing our best, a lot of the time we will make mistakes. We learn from it, um, but we feel that judgment.

Speaker 1: 11:06

I felt, I still feel that judgment as a parent. Am I doing the right thing? Am I being the perfect parent? And you know from listening to my podcast by now, there is no such thing, um, but what I wanted was to create something that actually no one had to say anything, that actually, just by looking up, you could see somebody and you would just know. And I thought I can't always tell by their face, you know, and some people find it difficult to read other people's expressions, and if I'd nodded at somebody else, that might not have worked quite so well and they might have thought what are you nodding at? I was lucky that it worked with her, um, but I wanted somehow to make that connection.

Speaker 1: 11:44

So I decided I'd do a t-shirt and it took me a long time to think about okay, well, what would I put on that t-shirt? I don't want something that's too obvious, that makes us again, could make us vulnerable, um, that shouldn't be the case, but I think sometimes it can. If we draw attention to a need that we might have, sometimes it can make us. So I don't want to do that too much. I wanted a proudness about it. I wanted to be proud of who I am and my kids are, and I kind of wanted it to be an unspoken message. So it wasn't obvious. But if you knew, you knew.

Speaker 1: 12:23

So I came up with the typically untypical and that's the slogan that I've gone for, and so, on the t-shirts we have typically untypical, and it is a nod. It's that silent nod, it's that silent. I get you. I see you nod to parents to go ah, you're one of us, you get it. Because most of us know that finding another parent that gets it is almost worth its weight in gold. It's almost like it just feels right. It feels right when you find another parent that gets it, so when it. That's the whole reason this came about. It was wanting to be able to make that quiet connection with another parent and carer in those moments when we're maybe out at finding it the most difficult.

Speaker 1: 13:18

You know, I remember times with my son being out at um. We were at a farm and he had there were slides coming down and he didn't want to go down the slides because he was scared of that, but he kept running along the bottom of the slides. It was really dangerous. He was going to get hurt. They were kids flying down these things, um, and I had tried to take him away and take him away, and he had then melted down like humongous meltdown hitting me, screaming, very, very distressed, and I just remember feeling in that moment, so on my own, so on my own. Nobody else's kids were doing this, it was only me. I must be the problem. I've handled this badly. They're all going to be judging me and thinking I should have done it differently, and all this that I couldn't wait to get out of there, and when I think back now about what a difference it would have made to have been able to look up and see a typically untypical t-shirt and think that parent gets it. I am not the only one.

Speaker 1: 14:23

So we made these t-shirts. We made these t-shirts. They are are created by myself, so I've created the design, but the making of them is done by Something Profound, which is Sam from Something Profound, and she sponsors my guest episodes as well. Sam's lovely. She is a parent in an additional needs family and she created, she's made the t-shirts for me, so she sells the t-shirts for me, and so together, sam and I have created these. And what's also come off the back of that is that I know not everybody's a t-shirt wearer and sometimes t-shirts are a bit in your face and you don't want that. So what we've also done is made bags. So we know we've got some of our um, some of my podcast listeners and some of my followers on social media that prefer bags, so they've gone and got themselves a bag. I've got myself a bag that I use quite a lot. Sometimes you don't want to wear t-shirts, you got your bag.

Speaker 1: 15:20

Um, we've also made uh pens. Uh, because somebody said they wanted one to take into a meeting. That wasn't even. This wasn't about finding another parent, it was more about being able to feel supported in the meeting and by just having something written on a pen made her feel better. So we made some pens, so there's some pens, and there is also a travel mug and there is also pins, so little pins that you can put on clothing, on jackets, on bags, this kind of thing again. So if you don't want anything too big, you just want a little one, you can use the pins as well. So I just wanted to explain a bit about it, because the thing that I need and I am now looking for your help is that I can share this message. So far, I can share this message so far through the podcast, through my social media, but actually the way that this works is when we get enough people wearing or use so, wearing the t-shirts, or wearing taking, using the bags, using the pens that we can then get enough out there that people can start to see it.

Speaker 1: 16:33

Um, and I have challenged some of my um, my followers and people that have bought the t--shirt or bought some of the other bits to send us a photograph. Where have you taken it? Where have you worn it? Where have you worn it today? I wear mine as much as I can. I have worn mine to the beach. I've worn it to the GP practice, just in case I came across that mum again. I have worn it to my pain management sessions. I have worn it to the super management sessions. I have worn it to the supermarkets. So I wear it all over, and I also wear it when I'm doing podcasts and stuff like that. It's even underneath. If you've got me on video, you can see it's even underneath my dungarees. Today that it's on.

Speaker 1: 17:15

So, but I do need help. So if you would like to be part of this, I would love to have you come join us. I would love for you to help me share this. If you think, um, you know somebody that might want to be part of this, send them this podcast, have a listen to, or jump on the website or put it in the show night show notes and ping them the website and say have a listen to, or jump on the website or put it in the show night show notes and ping them the website and say have a look at this.

Speaker 1: 17:42

It is about creating a movement. This isn't just about a gimmicky t-shirt or a bit of merch. That's not what this is about. This is about a communication. It is about solidarity. It is about letting parents know I see you and I get it, and making parents feel less alone when things get tough. So If you want to join us and be part of the backup team because that's what I talk about is that we need to create a backup team we were never meant to do this on our own, as parents can be part of the backup team a backup team. We were never meant to do this on our own.

Speaker 1: 18:19

As parents come be part of the backup team, it might be that you wear your t-shirt to signal to others that actually I need a bit of help, or I just you know it's nice to see other people and recognize that and know I'm one of you, um, or it could be that you're wearing it in support of so. You don't even have to be a parent. You can be in support of. So if you're a sibling or an auntie or an uncle or a friend or a grandparent, anyone doesn't matter. But you are showing those people in the know and if you know, you know that you get it and you see them and they're not on their own and just that little bit that day could make a huge difference to somebody. And yeah, we'd all like to have loads of spoons to go out there and fight the big fight and there are some amazing people out there doing that. But I also recognise that when you're in burnout or you're struggling or you're deep in crisis with a family, that you don't always have the capacity to do that big fight. But you can show others that you get it. And you can do that through things like having a t-shirt, a bag, a pen that might just help you in a meeting, a coffee cup that helps you when you again go into a meeting, a little badge on your jumper that may maybe, when things feel really tough, you can look at your badge and you go. Do you know what? I know there are other parents out there, because there are. There are loads and loads of us out there. We just don't realize quite how some, how many there are. So, as I say, if you want to come join us and you'd like to buy one. We'd be delighted to have you as part of the team.

Speaker 1: 19:48

I actively encourage photographs. Yes, please. There still is the challenge out there of other people so you could be wearing your t-shirt or your pen or whatever it is, finding another one out there that you didn't know before. It's cheating otherwise. Because my partner said, well, why don't we do it? Because I've got one and you've got one. I was like, no, that doesn't work, you have to be. You've found somebody out there wearing that t-shirt, wearing that pen, whatever it is, um, but that you didn't know them. And can you get a photograph together now? I know some of you won't want your photographs taken and splashed all over social media. If that's the case, you and you want to send it to me and say, please, don't use on social media. You are welcome to do that and I will not share it, um, but equally, if you are happy, I would love to share it to show how far we're getting.

Speaker 1: 20:37

I'd love to know how far the t-shirts are getting. Are they getting up and down the country? Are they getting outside of the country, because it's been great to see that the podcast is getting to all sorts of places. Um, I can't believe how far the podcast is getting. So if you're listening from abroad, um hi, welcome. Love to have you. It's lovely to have you here, but have a think about you, know, I'd love to know how far things are getting.

Speaker 1: 21:04

Often we don't hear, so it's really nice to hear.

Speaker 1: 21:06

Anyway, I will stop talking. Any questions about the t-shirts and stuff like that. Just drop me a message Always happy to hear about it. Or if you've got an idea for something else that we could put typically untypical on, let me know something that we haven't thought about. That would be just as useful to have as another parent to show others that I see when I get it. So any ideas, just let me know.

Speaker 1: 21:32

Again, the email will be in the show notes. Reach out, let me know. Or if you just generally got an idea about something you'd like to hear me talk about on the podcast, I'd love to hear about it. Just leave me to say thank you for joining me and take care, and I will see you soon. Thank you for listening and choosing to spend your time with me today. If you enjoyed this episode, please do share it with a friend, who might just feel reassured to know that they aren't on their own and if you've got a moment, a quick rating or review helps others to find the podcast too. If you want to stay in the loop with the podcast updates and all things Untypical OT, just drop me an email and I'd be really happy to add you to the list. Take care and I'll see you soon.