Dyslexic Parenting (part 2): My Brain Uses a Postage Stamp When Others Have A4 Pages

Part 2

Ever wondered what it's like navigating complex systems with dyslexia while trying to advocate for your children's needs? The mental gymnastics can be exhausting, yet this challenge remains largely invisible in discussions about  parenting.

When a dyslexic parent faces walls of text in emails, dense reports, or complicated forms, what neurotypical brains process effortlessly becomes a cognitive marathon. As I share in this episode, my working memory operates on a "postage stamp" while others enjoy an entire A4 page—meaning information gets displaced quickly, requiring multiple readings and creative workarounds. The constant mental translation from written word to usable information creates an enormous unseen burden.

The emotional toll runs deep too. Many of us hide our dyslexia from professionals due to lifetime fears of being judged or underestimated. I candidly discuss how I went through an entire tribunal process without disclosing my dyslexia—a decision I now question. Could accommodations have made that journey less arduous? Simple changes like bullet-pointed information, clear summaries, and mixed communication formats (both written and verbal) dramatically improve accessibility, not just for dyslexic parents but for everyone navigating additional needs systems.

Despite these challenges, dyslexic thinking brings valuable skills to the table. Our natural problem-solving abilities and outside-the-box thinking become superpowers when advocating for children within rigid systems. We develop creative workarounds that often benefit the whole family.

Whether you're a dyslexic parent seeking validation, a professional wanting to improve accessibility, or simply curious about neurodivergent experiences, this episode offers practical insights into making systems work better for diverse brains. Join me in exploring how dyslexia shapes every aspect of additional needs parenting—and why those postage-stamp brains deserve more recognition and support.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Untypical Parent Talks
• 1:36 Recap: Dyslexia at Home
• 3:23 Dyslexia vs. Inaccessible Systems
• 5:14 Reading Struggles: Letters and Reports
• 9:12 Form-Filling Nightmares
• 15:19 Mental Load and Navigating Systems
• 21:59 Closing Thoughts and Looking Forward

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Welcome to the Untypical Parent Talks to Herself, the podcast for typically untypical parents. I'm Liz Evans and I am the Untypical OT and I'm your host, and in these bite-sized do-it-yourself episodes we're going to dive into real talk about parenting in additional needs families. No fluff, no judgment, just the stuff that matters. No judgment, just the stuff that matters, because, let's face it, there's absolutely no rule book that works for the wild ride that we'll find ourselves on as parents in additional needs families. So let's shake things up. Let's share some of the laughs and the hard stuff and get the support we all need in this untypical journey. Are you ready? Come join me. Untypical journey. Are you ready? Come join me. Hello and welcome back.

Speaker 1: 0:56

This episode is a continuation. So one of the episodes from a couple of weeks ago was called Dyslexic Parenting and I split this one up into two different episodes the last, last episode, which you might want to go and live back and listen to, but actually can listen to them both separately, um, without having watched them in sequence, or you can watch them however you want to watch them, but it might be worth going back to have a look, because the last time I was on, I spoke about dyslexia and how it impacts my parenting at home, in the home, with the kids. And this time I was going to talk about how my dyslexia impacts me when I'm having to deal with systems that are inaccessible for us as dyslexic parents. And I'll just touch briefly, just in case people hadn't tuned into the previous one, that my reasoning for doing this is there's often a lot of talk around the needs of autistic parents, of ADHD parents, and whilst that needs to be so much better, what I often don't hear, and I haven't heard as a dyslexic parent, is how dyslexia is impacting parenting and our ability to parent not ability, that's not the right word, I don't like that word our capacity to parent. So last time I talked about the impact that that had at home, but actually how it had brought about conversations for us as a family. That opened up conversations around neurodiversity, brains, things difficult, but that doesn't make me less of a parent, it doesn't put demand on my children, but what it does do is open up conversations and a reality that allows them to recognise that, adults, you don't grow from a child where we make mistakes to being a parent or an adult that doesn't make mistakes, because we are human and we will always make mistakes. So that was kind of where my last mini podcast was where I left off from was talking about the impact and how we manage that in our home environment. But the other thing that I wanted to talk about was how dyslexia has impacted me.

Speaker 1: 3:29

When dealing with systems and when we live in additional needs families, we are often if our kids are struggling and have additional needs. We are often having to deal with systems like local authority systems, government systems, tribunal systems, the HGP systems, all of those things. But also what I've come to realise more recently as well is that, as a dyslexic adult, I'm still coming in contact with systems. So it might be things like accessing my bank, or it might be applying for something, or it might be understanding a contract that I'm signing All those things that still have an impact on me as a parent and being able to make the right decisions for myself and my family. So one of the kind of key ones probably will be and this might be useful for for professionals maybe that are listening that you might not have thought about how could I support a dyslexic parent and a lot of actually? You know, I don't think even I ever told school I was dyslexic so they would never have known. But I suppose it's how we make things as accessible as possible for neurodivergent brains. How can we support those parents? How can we support those parents? So the biggest thing I used to find really difficult was things like letters, emails, reports, all that kind of thing.

Speaker 1: 5:12

So what I really struggle with is the reading from it. So I very, very quickly lose track in an email. It jumps around all over the place. I've started at the beginning. I've got halfway down and thought what was it they were saying, and I've had to go back and reread it again. And I used to get caught with this one because, especially when you're in systems like and you know you need things written down you'll know what I mean by that. So if you've ever had to go through kind of VHCPs and tribunals and stuff like that, you need it written down Is that I'm often better chatting things through because I can ask questions Even then.

Speaker 1: 5:53

Sometimes I'm a bit of a processor, so I will listen to something and I can't respond in the moment. I need to be able to come away and think about it and then the questions will come for me. So it's kind of, I suppose, having an array of different options. So it's good to have it written down because it means I can go back and look at it again. But equally, it will take me a while to be able to decipher from that what I need from it, if that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 6:21

I'm much better and this might be a tip if you're dealing with dyslexic parents is that I often find it better with bullet points. I find it very, very difficult when I get an email that's like paragraph after paragraph and I'm having to pull out what is the, the important information. So, for example, when I read books, I'm terrible because I'm writing books and sticking them and underlying things. But for me to get out, extract the information that's important to me and I need, I have to pull it out in some way and I can't do that just by reading. I have to have a system to do that, and that is usually my. I have to underline it, highlight it, talk it out loud, make notes from it to be able to kind of take that information and use it. So I'm much better and I love a bullet point.

Speaker 1: 7:19

Um, and you know when I used to write, when I used to do reports, which I don't do anymore, but when I did reports I would often use bullet points because it was an easier way for my brain to process it and I could pull out the this, the important information, and have it there, rather than feeling like I have to wade through all this talking and all this written language to find out exactly what it is you're meaning to say to me. So bullet points really help, really help for me. When I get an email, don't do great big one, long, waffly, writing short to the point, and highlight those bullet points for me so I can see them in what I need to do. And if there's something that you need me to do, bullet point that too, because, again, if I have to pull it out of information, my reading is one, slow and two I say I get lost and I don't always hold on to that bit of information that I need to do. So the easiest way, the best way to kind of get that information across, is to keep it short, succinct, to the point, and bullet point it to make it easier for that person to understand. So things that you often get, like this letter from school, that are so long that I just think what, what is that I'm meant to do in that, and I've had to read the letter four times. The other thing is everything now is sent home on um, on email, um, I'm often looking at it on the phone, which is teeny and I'm getting old, now I need my glasses. It's definitely got my glasses. I can't read it properly and then I think, oh, I'll come back to that, and then I don't because I forget about it and it's gone. So bullet points are a real lifesaver for me and make things a lot easier for me.

Speaker 1: 9:09

If I can bullet, if people will bullet point things for me, or if I can bullet point things if I'm trying to take some information, how can I pull that out? I put it into bullet points, but it takes a lot of time. And then things like letters and reports again, reports from professionals can be really tricky when you're navigating systems, trying to pull out exactly what it is they are saying. Now some of you will know there are reports out there that are written like that. So you have absolutely no idea when you get to the end what it is that actually saying your child needs. But I like to think that there are reports out there that are very good reports that are well written with a lot of information in. Again, summaries make such a difference, summaries with bullet points that are easy to access, and I know then, if I've got a summary point, that I think, oh okay, I need to know a bit more about that, then I can go back to that little bit and I can just read that little bit, because I can guarantee you I will not read that whole report in one go. It will take me forever to get through that report. I'll take a highlighter to it, I'll take an underliner to it and it's going to take me forever to get through it. So just kind of be. It's just asking people to be mindful that when you are presenting information and giving information to dyslexic parents or you think they could be dyslexic, is thinking about how you do that.

Speaker 1: 10:31

Some people, like my son's school at the moment, the head teacher sends home. They don't do newsletters anymore. He does a video one home, they don't do newsletters anymore. He does a video one. Um, what do I think about that one? I would like a transcript that went with it. If I'm honest, I find the video ones quite distracting. I end up looking in the background and thinking, oh, what's that? And getting distracted by what he's actually talking about. But it is quite a nice way that if you're struggling with reading a video newsletter does it could be helpful for other people.

Speaker 1: 11:02

I'm better with something written and that I can watch. I need both that I can follow along with and I need bullet points. And again, don't make it too waffly if you're talking to me because I won't follow it. Again, that's my working memory, so you'll give me bits of information. If it's long and detailed and waffly I can't hold on to it. I describe my work in memory as everybody else has kind of got, like an A4 piece of paper that they can pin stuff to and manipulate and think I'll put that there and I can bring that bit in and move that around. Yeah, do you know what size mine is? Postage stamp size, tiny. Yeah, do you know what size mine is? Postage stamp size, tiny. I can't get it all on there and stuff gets dumped so I can put other stuff on there and I forget other things. So that's what I kind of. That's how I like my working memory. Difficulties is to this postage stamp size that I've got and everyone else has got an A4 page that they can put all this information on and manipulate stuff, this information on and manipulate stuff. So that's a couple of things.

Speaker 1: 12:05

What else came up came up for me was filling in forms. So filling in forms, I hate. I find these so difficult and I haven't found an easy answer to this, other than I often ask for help. I misjudge the questions, I misinterpret. I'm not quite sure what it is they're getting at the amount of times over the couple of years that I've filled out forms for the kids now and people have come back to me and said I've never had anyone fill out a form like that, because I don't really.

Speaker 1: 12:37

I find it really difficult to extract what it is they're actually asking to me and I will read that sentence over and over and over and over again, trying to understand specifically what it is they are asking me and a lot of the time I have to ask for help, so I'll ring a family member or my partner or something to say to them can you just tell me exactly what it is they're asking? And they'll go yeah, they're just asking blah, blah, blah and I go. Ok, I've just spent 20 minutes looking at that question, trying to work out what it is. And I remember that school when we were doing maths and they used to give those stupid questions If Polly had this and Fred had that and Gertrude had the next, and I'd be like what? Because I couldn't hold on to the information long enough to be able to use the next bit to manipulate it. So forms for me are really tricky. So think about forms.

Speaker 1: 13:33

If you're asking parents to fill out lots of forms, that can be tricky. If you are a parent, ask, ask some help. And I have been known. When I can't get hold of somebody, I put the question into chat gtp or any other ai I'm not promoting chat gtp, um, any other ai and say what is it? They are exactly asking me and if you've got a gist, I think they're asking me this. Can you confirm?

Speaker 1: 13:58

The other thing to do is that you go back to the person. I find that difficult. Some people don't. They're quite happy to go back and ask, but if you're dealing with big systems, it's trying to get hold of somebody. You know I was trying to fill out DLA form for my son. I've got a question in there that I was struggling with. I didn't really know what they were asking I couldn't go back to them and do you know how long it took me to get older than the first place? So I had to ring somebody in the end to get some help. That's where I prefer to go if they ring someone, but when I get really stuck, I ask AI, and it does help me out, but just be mindful that AI doesn't always get it right. So that's why I tend to put this is what I think it's asking me. Can I just double check? And then you can always double check it later down the line. So I get quite a lot of I've missed, of misinterpretation, so I have misunderstood something.

Speaker 1: 14:46

I'm much better when people phone me or speak to me or do it online now, and what's great about things like teams and things like that now is that you can put the AI co-host on and it will take notes for you during the meeting, so I can still have that conversation with somebody. It doesn't have to be via email, but there's still a record and a documentation of it, so I use that a lot as well. That can be really helpful when you think actually I'd rather speak to somebody about this rather than get an email, but I still need it written down, and actually I can't talk and write it down and then get it all written up, and lots of the time people don't offer to take notes, um, and minutes. So think about that. You could use something like zoom and use the AI co-host. I don't know if that's just for if you've got the paid version, I'm not sure, but that might be worth something thinking to think about.

Speaker 1: 15:37

Um, more kind of on the emotional side for me is they feel the feeling of being judged and I used to feel that a lot. I didn't. I don't think actually I, as, like I said earlier, I don't think I told any of the boys schools that I was dyslexic. They wouldn't have known. Then they might have known from the emails I've sent them. They wouldn't have known from me. I didn't tell them. Um, you know, when I was dealing with the local authority, when I was dealing with tribunal, I didn't tell them that I was dyslexic. Um, I probably should have done actually, especially when we're going to tribunal, because they do ask in there I'm sure they do about whether you've got any additional needs yourself as a parent attending, and of course I went no, um, and actually I do and when I was reading documents and stuff like that. It takes me longer, um, and probably I could have done with letting people know that.

Speaker 1: 16:30

So when I was in things like the tribunal, if there was something I needed to read, I needed extra. I was gonna need extra time to read that and I might need some help to read it. Um, and you can get different systems now as well, and I haven't used them. At the moment I'm still exploring my dyslexia and what works for me and what I need support wise. But I know you can get those reading pens as well. Now they can't. You that will read aloud the text and some people find that really useful. So it's having those little things in place that help all those little bits and pieces.

Speaker 1: 17:02

But it was a fear of being judged and I felt very much that parents not parents, professionals that I was liaising with would judge me for the way I was writing, and that's come from. If you've heard me talk about dyslexia in my work, that's very much come from that as well is being judged about the way I wrote things, and I tend to write as I talk. I'm quite casual in the way that I write. I can write more formally, but I find it really difficult. Um, so I felt very judged, and not that anyone ever said anything, but I felt judged.

Speaker 1: 18:04

And then the other thing, and the biggest thing for me, was the extra mental effort and the load of managing organisation, working memory, executive functioning, reading, writing. What would take a parent without dyslexia or without those those additional needs? Much less time would take me a huge amount of time. And it is exhausting, absolutely exhausting. And I think it's just being mindful of that, not only ourselves as parents that that is tiring and that there are strategies out there, there are ways to help and but also as professionals when we are liaising with parents, is that we might not know that those parents are dyslexic. And Case in point, when I went to my tribunal for my son, I didn't tell the tribunal that I was dyslexic. And looking back now I think, why didn't you? I should have said something, but I didn't. And I almost kind of felt that, you know, maybe if I had been autistic or ADHD I would have written something, but because I was dyslexic, well you know, it wasn't as important I probably won't say anything.

Speaker 1: 19:08

But actually, what I've come to realize as over the last couple of years, is a bit how I started off this whole, this two-part episodes is that dyslexia has an impact on all our areas of life and it's not just in the school and the work environment. It is in our other roles. It is in our parenting role and the impact that it has on our parenting, and when we need to access and be part of or navigate our way through systems that involve lots of writing and reading and executive functioning, dyslexia can have a huge impact. So I think, a bit like I've said before, the bit that I I bring to it with my dyslexia is that I am great with ideas, I am great with finding a way around things, and I think that has stood me in good stead when navigating my way through the systems.

Speaker 1: 20:02

Did I come out unscarred? Absolutely not. I don't know many of us that do, but there are positives from it and I think the biggest thing was knowing how my dyslexia impacted me has meant I also about how could they support parents or make things easier to digest in written and you know writing form and reading them, writing formats, no-transcript, forefront of people's kind of minds. To think about that. There are ways to support that. There are ways that we can support parents. I've kind of alluded to a couple of them and chatted a couple of them through, as we've been we've during these last. There's one part one and part two, and I hope some of those have been helpful and I think what I'm likely to do is do a bigger um talk on dyslexia and the impact of dyslexia just generally across maybe all our occupations. Maybe I need to do that, maybe I need to do an occupational therapy one about dyslexia and the impact that it has across all our occupations how, what helps, um, what our strengths are in those areas and in those roles and in those occupations, but also where some of those challenges might lie for us as parents.

Speaker 1: 21:59

I'm going to leave you. As always, I'm going to thank you for your time. Thanks for joining me. I hope they were helpful. Helpful and take care, and I will see you soon. Thank you for listening and choosing to spend your time with me today. If you enjoyed this episode, please do share it with a friend who might just feel reassured to know that they aren't on their own. And if you've got a moment, a quick rating or review helps others to find the podcast too, if you want to stay in the loop with the podcast updates and all things Untypical OT. Just drop me an email and I'd be really happy to add you to the list. Take care and I'll see you soon.